As with anything related to sex, there are always plenty of questions worth asking that go beyond basic mechanics. So, a few months ago, we had the opportunity to meet Georgia Grace, an Australian We-Vibe expert, her openness and natural manners through topics that are still taboo nowadays took us to wonder for some intimate answers.
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So to cut right to it, why is sex so complicated?
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We are speaking about sex more than ever before and in this sexual revolution people are all of a sudden expected to have “really good sex”. It is difficult to unlearn a lifetime of harmful or destructive ideas around sex, this change won’t happen overnight. Sex is complicated because people are often left to their own devices to learn about sex through trial and error.
Sex is complicated because we experience both fascination and shame around the topic, it can be a driving force for many decisions and at the same time induce feelings of isolation.
Sex is irrational, things that turn you on often don’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense that your wildest fantasies may disgust someone else. Because this doesn’t make sense, people remain in their silence with shame and guilt.
What do you think is the biggest myth about sex?
The biggest myth is that sex is ‘natural, but you have to learn to have good sex. It takes practice, communication, trial & error, props and assists, awkwardness and clunkiness. Good sex is creative and curious and is more than penetration alone.
Good sex is not natural, it is a process.
What do we know about orgasms and casual sex and what are the reasons to have casual sex versus the wrong reasons?
If there is consent, no unwanted pain, everyone is happy to be there and free leave whenever they want there are no better or worse ways to have sex.
Casual sex can be just as fulfilling as sex with a long term partner.
What role do you think fantasy plays in a healthy life?
Everyone has fantasies. Some may have a really clear idea of their fantasies and others may not have realised or noticed, but it is normal and human to fantasise. Many people feel ashamed of their turn on’s and inner erotic thoughts.
But when we can talk about fantasies, we can understand and value them as an important component of human sexuality. Some fantasies will remain an arousing thought, and others could give you insight into your eroticism and something you want to explore. Fantasies can be a great conversation starter, to deepen intimacy and pleasure with your body and others.
What are the biggest misconceptions around sex toys that you hear in your practice?
I hear a few common narratives that stop people from exploring sex toys; fear of being replaced, loss of intimacy, fear of toys desensitising genitals and sex toys aren’t real sex. These beliefs are untrue, hyperbolic and are rooted in sex toy stigma.
There are so many benefits to exploring sex toys!
Toys can allow you to feel more sensations, they can enhance the sexual experience rather than replace human connection, they provide opportunities to explore something new, reaching orgasm isn’t as linear as we’re lead to believe and toys may help you feel orgasmic, and variety during sex allows for increased access to pleasure. There are some incredible toys that are versatile and can be used for solo and couple play, like We-Vibe’s Melt, the only Pleasure Air stimulator designed for couples, with pulsating waves and gentle suction. Melt’s slim, curved shape fits perfectly between you in any position, with zero bulk to get in the way of your good time.
When couples tell you they aren’t having enough sex, what’s usually the reason?
The most common reason for not having sex is not prioritising it. Other things take over; work, family, health, life commitments.
Sex is often low on the ‘list’ of priorities and is not valued as an important part of health and wellness.
How do you introduce something new, sexually, with your partner?
Come from a place of curiosity, try saying something like: “Hey I’m curious about trying this (new thing), how would you feel about trying it with me?” The easiest way to introduce something new is by intending to normalise conversations around sexual inquiry.
Try not to make it a big deal and ask in the same tone as you would when asking them what they want for dinner.
What makes something an aphrodisiac, how do they work?
Aphrodisiacs are foods, substances, plants, spices or chemicals that increase sexual desire, pleasure or behaviour.
Aphrodisiacs can work in two ways and can affect everyone differently.
Some aphrodisiacs create sexual desire in the mind, and others have a physiological effect on parts of the body, for example, they can increase blood flow or lubrication in the genitals creating the desire to have sex.
When do you believe it’s time to end a relationship?
This is so nuanced and varied as it depends on the relationship and the individuals involved.
Everyone has different breaking points, values and ideas of what a healthy relationship is for them.
If you feel it’s time to end a relationship but you’re not sure, a helping professional, psychologist, counsellor or relationship coach could be useful to support you through the process.
Do you think people mindset about sex is changing in the past couple of years?
I’ve noticed a remarkable shift in the way people feel about sex.
We’re moving from a place of fear, judgement and shame and are starting to value sex as a vital part of wellness.
I’m noticing a systemic change in people’s curiosity around sex. With greater ease in access to information, as well as radical pioneers, companies, new technology and products, the mindset around sex is being revolutionised.
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